5 Years...Love you, daddy!

Sunday, October 17th marked the 5 year anniversary of losing my dad. This time of year has always been one of my favorites....the weather changes, football season, pumpkins, eating chili, state fair, building a fire & eating smores...you get the idea. But now, beginning in 2005, this time of year brings an almost over-whelming flood of memories of the days and weeks leading up to this date 10.17.05. Up until this point, dates had always had a positive reason for remembrance. Friends & families birthdays, weddings, birth of children, etc. It's not just the day, the 17th, that stands out, it's the thoughts of phone calls I made/received, miles & miles of traveling back & forth from Oklahoma to Dallas. The last week he was here I had gone to stay with him. I was there with him, by myself all day. He could hardly talk, I think he said only a handful of words that day, which was fine by me, cause on this day he knew me. He knew I was there and he knew who I was. Sounds like something pretty trivial, but weeks before when I had visited he didn't know me. That's a pretty tough thing to swallow when you make a 4 hour trip for the hundredth time, walk in and he knows he's supposed to know who you are, but I knew he didn't. He said, "Hi", eyes wide and searching mine and I asked, "Do you know me? Do you remember who I am?" Searching he said, "Are you my cousin?" and in the same breath he hugged me and apologized 'cause he knew he was wrong.
I spent the night in Oklahoma, got up & left at daylight to make it back to Dallas in time for work, which had become a typical routine for me. I think I had only been at work for a couple of hours when I got the call...my step-mom said she thought I needed to come back. "Okay." She said the hospice nurse said if it were her dad she would come back. I knew she had seen this enough to know what kind of time frame we were looking at. We had a million dollar plus listing that was finally under contract and the buyer needed inside just as I was leaving town. I should've went on, but I didn't. I showed the house and drove back to Oklahoma, getting to my dad's around 10:30pm....it was too late. My mom met me at my car, looking back I didn't even wonder why she was there, everyone was there. The funeral home was waiting to take him, but thankfully they waited on me to get there before they did. My brother wouldn't let anyone call me, what good would it've done to get the news while on the road, so they waited...
Saying all of that, leads me to this. Obviously, this has all been on my mind lately and last week a conversation was brought up that I didn't think would happen quite so soon... my mom was visiting, she, Kella, Ryan & I were having lunch when Kella noticed that I called mom, "Mom".
Kella: "Mom. Is Gibbie your mom?"
Me: "Yep! I'm YOUR mom & Gibbie is MY mom!"
Kella: (smiling) "She is!"
Kella: "Mom, who's your dad?" (she had this look of total confusion on her face)
Kella: "Is Skip your dad?"
Me: "Nope."
Kella: "He's not. (even more confused) WELL! Where's your dad?"
Me: (looking at mom, whose lips were sealed) "Well, he's with Jesus! Mommy's daddy got really sick and he died. But now, he's in heaven with Jesus!"
Kella: "Awwww.....he's sick?"
Me: "Well, baby, he was, but now he's with Jesus!"
Kella: "Well, my daddy's not sick!!!!"
Me: "You're right. Your daddy's NOT sick!"

That was about the extent at lunch, but I was completely floored. Oh, Lord! Did I say the right thing?! How clever she is to put this all together.

That night while tucking her in I was laying beside her and she asked again,
"Mom, is your daddy sick?"
Me: "Baby, he was, but he died.
Kella: "He did. And now he's with Jesus?"
Me: "He is. Mommy doesn't get to see her daddy anymore."
Kella: "You don't!"
Me: "Nope. And sometimes that makes mommy sad. I really miss him and I really wish I could see him."
Kella: "Awwww, mommy. (as she softly rubbed the side of my face) Are you sad?"
Me: "I'm not right now, but sometimes I am. I really miss him and I get sad sometimes, but it's okay."
Kella: "Do you love him?"
Me: "Of course! I love him sooooo much."
Kella: "Well I don't!!!"
Me: (gasp!) "You don't??!"
Kella: "No! I love YOU!"
Such sweetness!!!!

I think I've posted this before, but it's one of my favorites with my dad.

Last Christmas together.

His last birthday...July '05...he turned 59.